Stay…go…stay…

I’ve been offered a home loan modification.  Thinking practically, I know this will help me get by for the next year and a half. Being realistic, I know that things are never quite that equal. Things happen. That’s the problem; life is uncertain. New expenses always crop up. New chaos comes spinning around the corner.

I’ll post later about me, my family, and the ACA. Where we stand with the ACA is baffling. I’ll just have to figure that out as we go.  The upshot is the ACA means share of cost Medi-Cal for us. Not so good.

Part-time college profs, working at the institutional maximum, apparently, are right at the 138% of federal poverty level.  I’m still left with money concerns.

To deal with my money fears, one day I talk about a new teaching job, maybe in a city where I’d urban farm. Rainshadow Farm could be taken to the city. Another day I feel I will not leave this piece of land.

Autumn snow in the San Gabriels.

Autumn snow in the San Gabriels.

So here I am. I’m not here because of inertia; I’m here right now because I want to be. I’ve cut my animals down to chickens only. I cannot afford both the farm and the animals I used to house and care for. I like operating a once-a-month community learning center on this land. I finance it on my own and don’t know how long I can do that. I will do it as long as I can. The perennial issue has been what can I do for income stream(s) here if I’m not willing to charge for the workshops. I don’t feel I can ethically charge the current farm day group for collaborative work done by people with as little or less money than I have, comparatively. The regulars bring potluck and sometimes donate some money for our next workshop. We barely break even but we have a great time.  I have a few ideas about income streams. I’ll post about those later because I think they may be workable on this drylands farm. Some of them might be workable on any eco-farm education center. This is what is in front of me right now, so I continue.

Quick-built Adobe Oven with a farm day group of regulars.

Quick-built Adobe Oven with a farm day group of regulars.

The dust is settling. I’m feeling freer, less stressed. Of course I have goals beyond whether I can find a full time job placement at my age in academia. I want a measure of security for my family. I want to do work that is worth doing. I want to be someone my family can turn to. I want the degree of mental and physical health that I might attain, so that I can live creatively and with compassion.  I’m ready to let go of my infamous driven-ness . I’m ready to begin to move through life now with inner peace, call it peace in the midst of chaos if chaos happens (and it always does, doesn’t it?). I want to live in the old saying “it’s the journey not the destination.” The destination counts. How we move along the path toward that destination makes a difference in our sense of well-being, I think.  I’m aspiring to be like the poppies of the field. Let’s see how that goes.

California poppies in cactus food garden at RSF.

California poppies in cactus food garden at RSF.

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About rainshadowfarm

I teach anthropology, am an archaeologist, a drylands agroecologist, community educator, and a mother of eight. I currently own and operate an educational and research farm in the southern Mojave Desert, Rainshadow Farm. I'm 100% West Virginia hillbilly. Not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Adjuncting, family, gray divorce, Life changes, resilience, spiritual ecologies and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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